How to Decode Antique Automobile Advertisements
If It Says:		It Really Means:
Older restoration		Can't tell it's been restored
Rare model		Nobody liked them when they new either
One of a kind		Made it myself!
Needs engine work		It's been frozen for 30 years
No rust		Body and fenders are missing
No time to complete		I can't find the parts anyhow
Good investment		Couldn't depreciate anymore
Rough		It's too bad to lie about
Top good		Only leaks on rainy days
90 % complete		Just needs a body
Rebuilt engine		Has new spark plugs
Needs minor overhaul		Needs new engine
Completed many club tours		On a trailer
May run		But it never has
Lost storage		Neighbors getting up a petition
Uses no oil		Just throws it out
Needs interior		Seats are gone
Drive home		If you live next door
Best offer		About what I expect to get
29 coats hand rubbed paint		Took that much to cover the rust
Always driven slow		Won't go any faster
Prize winner		Hard luck trophy three times in a row
Ready for show		Just washed it
Stored for 5 years		Under a tree
Real show stopper		It's orange with purple fenders
Clean		It sat out in the rain yesterday
Easy restoration		The parts will come off in your hand
Drive it away		I live on top of a hill
Can be towed		Has four wheels........No tires
Drive anywhere		Within ten miles of home
Desirable antique		Nobody likes it but me
Extra parts		I finally gave up on it
Sharp		Whitewall tires
Need money		Found a better one
New top		Less than 5 years old
90% restored		It's been washed and waxed